Heart Chakra, Throat Chakra

Gender reveal parties!

I’ve been sooo excited to find out the sex of the baby that I just couldn’t wait anymore. My family planned to reveal the baby sex during a gender reveal party march 4th, after finding out the sex January 30, 2018. Of course everyone thought that waiting until March was entirely tooo long to wait!

The first weekend in February my job unexpectedly held a dinner to celebrate my pregnancy, I thought it was a bit weird because they never did this for other workers who were previously/currently expecting, but hey I didn’t question anything. For the dinner everyone was instructed to wear all black, but me. I ended up wearing some form of black anyway lol…. Anyway when I arrived to the restaurant the table was decorated with a box in the middle.

We wanted for a few other people to come, but in the mean time we took a group picture of those when were there at the moment.

After waiting everyone arrived, my co-worker who was hosting the dinner insisted on me opening the box before we ordered our food…I was super excited to see what was in the little grey box, I thought it was a cake until I opened it. My heart dropped

Inside the box revealed the gender, I instantly started crying lol. I was so confused on how my boss found out the sex of the baby. I never been so happy in my life. Now all I could think of was how was I going to act when my family decided to do their gender reveal dinner.

This was inside the box, cute little dress, a baby pandora bracelet and the cutest little shoes ever!

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March 4th finally arrived and I played along that I had no idea of what the sex of the baby could be. I was asked to leave my home for a few hours while my friends decorated my house. So I went to get my hair done and I’m ended up being late for my own party lol!

I originally invited only 20 people, but over 45 people crowded my home.. I was excited to see my family, high school and college friends I haven’t seen in years! A few games were played, food was prepared, everyone appeared to be having a great time! It was time to reveal the baby, my heart was racing I didn’t know how I was going to pretend like didn’t already know I’m bad at lying lol.

AND……..it was a girl!!!! Lol my mother instantly started crying, my surprise reaction was horrible lol, but I held it together lol!

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Heart Chakra, Solar Chakra

Past 5 months…

I really must get better with blogging! Every day I blog in my head, but never really find the time to sit down and blog. . I always end up doing paperwork, but that’s beside the point of this blog.
Today I want to talk about the past 5-month journey I’ve endured. Sometime in October I found out I was expecting my very own jelly bean. I had a lot of mixed emotions, my idea of how I wanted to live my life, well…. “Kids” just want quite in the picture. Everyone around me was filled with excitement except for me. The thought of having a carry a kid absolutely scared me, but the idea of aborting one just was never an option either. Throughout this journey I became depressed. Frequent crying spells, isolating myself, lack of concentration, feeling hopeless, sleeping awfully a lot, and bad anxiety. I never thought in a million years something that should be full of excitement and beautiful can make a person feel so down. I knew I wasn’t going to be successful in my graduate program, so I withdrew from courses.
I found myself reflecting a lot on how working in the mental health field, you educate you clients on their mental health diagnosis as well as teaching them ways to cope. Then you wonder why everyday your clients struggle to manage and cope with their symptoms. I couldn’t cope or manage because I wasn’t ready too, I was in denial, I didn’t take my mental state serious. It’s so much easier to be miserable than to put forth effort to be happy or to enjoy life. My doctor didn’t want to prescribe me medication because she knew that I would over these symptoms/feelings… and I did! I had to start using the material I teach my clients. I had to accept that I’m pregnant. I asked myself several times, “when’s the right time to have a baby, has anyone ever been prepared?” I had to write down the pros and cons of my situation and I realized that the pros outweighed the cons. I began to pay attention to my body! Hearing the baby’s heartbeat, feeling those little kicks, staring ultrasound pictures… The process grew on me, I started to smile more, I began to exercise often, and meditate.
I can now say I’m absolutely excited to meet my little jelly bean when the time comes! I no longer feel down about my decision or carrying this child. My ideal of how I want to live my life has the same goals, but now includes being a great mother and loving this baby unconditionally!

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