Heart Chakra, Solar Chakra

Past 5 months…

I really must get better with blogging! Every day I blog in my head, but never really find the time to sit down and blog. . I always end up doing paperwork, but that’s beside the point of this blog.
Today I want to talk about the past 5-month journey I’ve endured. Sometime in October I found out I was expecting my very own jelly bean. I had a lot of mixed emotions, my idea of how I wanted to live my life, well…. “Kids” just want quite in the picture. Everyone around me was filled with excitement except for me. The thought of having a carry a kid absolutely scared me, but the idea of aborting one just was never an option either. Throughout this journey I became depressed. Frequent crying spells, isolating myself, lack of concentration, feeling hopeless, sleeping awfully a lot, and bad anxiety. I never thought in a million years something that should be full of excitement and beautiful can make a person feel so down. I knew I wasn’t going to be successful in my graduate program, so I withdrew from courses.
I found myself reflecting a lot on how working in the mental health field, you educate you clients on their mental health diagnosis as well as teaching them ways to cope. Then you wonder why everyday your clients struggle to manage and cope with their symptoms. I couldn’t cope or manage because I wasn’t ready too, I was in denial, I didn’t take my mental state serious. It’s so much easier to be miserable than to put forth effort to be happy or to enjoy life. My doctor didn’t want to prescribe me medication because she knew that I would over these symptoms/feelings… and I did! I had to start using the material I teach my clients. I had to accept that I’m pregnant. I asked myself several times, “when’s the right time to have a baby, has anyone ever been prepared?” I had to write down the pros and cons of my situation and I realized that the pros outweighed the cons. I began to pay attention to my body! Hearing the baby’s heartbeat, feeling those little kicks, staring ultrasound pictures… The process grew on me, I started to smile more, I began to exercise often, and meditate.
I can now say I’m absolutely excited to meet my little jelly bean when the time comes! I no longer feel down about my decision or carrying this child. My ideal of how I want to live my life has the same goals, but now includes being a great mother and loving this baby unconditionally!

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Crown Chakra, Heart Chakra, Root Chakra, Sacral Chakra, Solar Chakra, Third Eye Chakra, Throat Chakra

Reflection of 2017

Going into and maintaining throughout the year of 2017 has been the toughest task of my life.  “Dont expect others to value you as much as you value yourself” -Moore. 2017 started off with a break/separation that was long over due from one person I expected to cherish me the most. December 16, 2016 I moved out of a home I shared with my “other half” into my own space. Living alone on my own for the first time in life was pretty depressing starting off. I struggled with having steady income, being behind in school and failing courses in graduate school. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and I was completely unhappy with life. One day I began to write in my box and the first thing I wrote to myself was ” Self-love and Self-care, learn it”. From that moment I no longer wanted to dwell on what was and I decided to stop stressing over little things.

“Growth is a must. Starve your distractions  and feed  your focus” – Eball. It was time to focus and find things that made me happy and learn to be independent without depending/needing the presence of others.  So I did that! I recorded my progress in my box. I decided to delete all social media for a year, take a break from school and just go on this self exploration journey! Mission accomplished…. 2017 I renewed my passport and traveled to two places out the country I’ve never been and one recurring place. I traveled to over 20 new states this year.

“The more we learn, the more we learn, the more we have to learn” K. Anderson. As the year progressed I’ve learned more and more about myself. I’ve learned how to be humble (hardest task ever)  I’ve learned happiness, I’ve learned how to meditate properly and become more grounded, I’ve learned inner peace, I’ve learned that I wear my emotions on my sleeve and talking to someone always helps. I’ve learned not to take things serious, I am no longer AS agressive as I use to be, I’ve learned that I gain satisfaction by seeing other happy. I’ve learned to give advice, I’ve learned to be more productive with my job, I’ve learned coping skills from work that I was able to utilize for myself.

Lastly I learned “true love = trust = health = promise = faith = unity = peace = mind = strength = forgiveness = life = you”-Amal. Best part about my struggle was having the support from work and my friends. Always surround yourself with positive beings! Any obstacle is nothing more but a life lesson. A year full of chaos was nothing more than a beautiful struggle I endured on my own.

Everyone knows that I grew as the only child and spoiled. But my mom cut the cord once I graduated from undergraduate school. I accomplished so much on my own this year (even though I graduated two years ago). I am ending 2017 with positivity and a smile. OOOOHHHH I also learned that I am expecting and I looking forward to meeting my little one when that time comes. In 2018 my goal is to be a more balanced individual and an awesome mom!!!

 

“Remember to love selflessly not selfishly”

12/31/2017

p.s All quotes came from my box of 2017 from co-workers and family members! thank you guys again.

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Root Chakra, Solar Chakra, Third Eye Chakra, Throat Chakra

Box of 2017

Going into the new year of 2017 started off pretty rough. The clinician at my previous job gave me the idea of making a forgiveness box for those who brought negativity in my life. I started off with the first couple of sticky notes with forgiveness statements and quotes, but I realized I didn’t really want to do that anymore. I wanted to create box where for the year of 2017 I write down things I was going to learn from, life experiences, things I would accomplish, quotes/book sayings or even advice given by family friends. Of course I also wanted to keep the forgiveness thing going as well.

I brought a safe box from Walmart and attempted to decorate it but using spray paint and glitter, unfortunately it didn’t come out the way I vision it would be. As the year began to pass by I began to have others participate as well, I took my box to work encouraging my coworkers to write things they have learned so far this year whether it be from a quote or life experiences. I also had my clients and friends participate too! Anyone who came to visit while at home had to write in the box before entering my home. The goal is to see how much everyone actually progressed through the year. Are people actually paying attention to what goes on in their lives? Are they learning from positive or negative life experiences? Have any changes been made? From December of 2016-December of 2017 I  promised not to read any of the submission until New Years Eve.

WELL today is my lucky day! I am super excited to see what others have written as well as myself. Thank you to everyone who participated!

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Heart Chakra, Root Chakra

Haiti

SOOOOOOOO I’ve been attempting to live my best life toward the end of 2017! In the month of December I have made two trips, the goal is take three trips out the country a year and so far I’ve reached that goal

Haiti was definitely on my dream place list to the point a couple of year ago I consider moving to Haiti for a few years. Unfortunately so many things has happen in the world I had to reconsider that decision. Anyways I was super excited about this trip I started counting down the days!

When arriving to Haiti the weather was not the best, it was storming in Haiti like tropical rainforest type rain it was horrible. But of course I was not going to let the rain ruin my fun. What’s a little water or a lot of water? shit I’m in Haiti and I’m natural rain doesn’t bother me at all. I took french for about ALL my life so I could speak a little something to the natives. I definitely greeted everyone I saw due to my excitement. First destination while it was raining was the beach of course and I got in the water, because I’m on vacation and besides the rain falling it was hot out!

Haiti was absolutely beautiful, the people were friendly, the music was nice, the entertainment was great, the men were nice/dark just how I like my coffee and the food, the food was excellent!!!! Unfortunately because it was raining, my camera got wet and I couldn’t take as many picture as I liked. But Haiti is a trip I will definitely have to do again in the summer.


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Throat Chakra

Ginger

September 10th I decided to overcome my fear of cats and purchase a kitten. Now I’ve been debating that decision for year now and lately everyone I was coming in contact with had a pet cat. I felt like it was a sign and it was about that time for me to face my fear. I decided that if I’m going to get a cat it will be one everyone fears the most… a BLACK a cat! There was a shelter not far from my apartment that was having a discounted sale on kittens. When we got to the shelter I was instantly terrified there were cats everywhere, I’ve never seen so many damn cats especially out of their cages walking around, I almost had a heart attack. The worker expressed that there are always more cats in shelters than dogs because people are less likely to adopt them. Me of course as she talked, all I’m thinking is ” I don’t want no big as cat, I need to start small”.

There was another trailer where they kept the kittens, again I was still scared I didn’t even want to pick one up, my friends were like “Fatima are you sure you want to do this?”,, After an hour I see one little black/smoke color kitten, she was the only that didn’t cry or meow a complete mute. I instantly fell in love!! When I asked questions about her and showed interest they said she had a heart murmur and advised I not get her. Long story short I got her anyway, went to a thrift store, got her a litter box, food bowl, a cat brush and a bed.

Her first month with me she was such a quiet kitten and peaceful, but when the month was up she began to terrorize everything. Curtains destroyed, furniture destroyed, and she ran through the house like a dog, but she’s gotten a lot better with not destroying things! Now its December she has all her shots, no longer needs a heart murmur and I wouldn’t trade my baby ginger in for the world, she gets on my nerves and she’s extremely sneaking but she is also a kitten and so curious about everything!

Meet Ginger:

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Heart Chakra, Root Chakra

Bermuda

Yes living the best life I can as Brittaney would say!

I have never worked for anyone who appreciates their employees enough to take them on a cruise!

Royal Caribbean best cruise line ever, everyone knows it! I wish I could share the detail on the pricing but I didn’t pay for much. Overall the room was nice, I didn’t like the obstructed balcony i had it ruined the view. I found myself going to co-worker room just to compare their balcony view with mine. Two days at sea before actually reaching the Island was tough, as much as I wanted to engage into the partying and drinking I was exhausted my first night on the boat I fell asleep fully clothes thinking I was going to a party…yeah sleep got me real good! Second day at sea I finessed my way into getting free drinks everywhere I went because 300 plus dollars was not an option for me for a drink package, No way! Blah Blah… okay Views from when we did get to Bermuda.

See where the yellow boats are?? yup that’s where my balcony is and that’s all i can see on it is yellow boats, what a drag! It took us forever to get off the boat because some of the gang woke up late! but this is some as they got off the boat.

We didn’t know where to explore so we walked around just site seeing.

We were introduced to the pink sand beach, which was a 20 minute drive from the dock.. So we got to see Different parts of Bermuda, it was beautiful!

By the way if you didn’t know and ever want to travel to the Caribbean, they do drive on the left side of the road and right side of the car! FYI. Driving to the beach was a bit scary, the driver didn’t really stay in his lane and the roads were very tiny, as well as curvy. But!!! we made it there safe =).  As soon as we got closer to the beach there a set of tall rocks and I was determine to climb them just to get a better view of everything. It was hard climbing rocks barefooted, but it was doable.

The scenery at this beach was beautiful and yes the sand was pink but I didn’t take any pictures of it oddly. It was hot as hell out as well! I felt like I lost 20 pounds….But anyway my favorite part of the cruise was the crew members! I absolutely adored them and made friends quick. They were polite, helpful and funny. They played a big part into why I enjoyed myself the most on this trip.

Albert, Pratmesh and Nuur were the crew member who made my stay very comfortable! One even adopted me as his cousin..lol! the Crew member kept us in the loop about the events that were happening at night off the ship! A “big” party gathering with not just people from the cruise but locals was a great experience. Caution/Safety was a huge factor due to hearing horror stories about kidnappings and killings of cruise member when then come to Bermuda.

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I was definitely ready for a good time, being that I slept a lot on the ship, attending one event at night wasn’t going to kill me! plus my boss and co-workers complained about not seeing me much! The party was nice!! lots of drunk individuals just having a good time!

Sadly I had an allergic reaction to something I ate or drunk and was in need of something to calm the inflammation down. I broke out all over my face, chest and back the next day. so I went from looking hot above to looking like this…

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I felt like the world was over and my vacation was ruined lol! But luckily when I’m home i would soak in a bath salt, so it was only right to get in the salt water! I stayed at the beach in the water for hours it took me 2 hours to get in the water and be comfortable because it was so cold! The salt water did eliminate the inflammation, but once i got out my skin was peeling like a mutant.

Overall my vacation was awesome! Nothing but good vibes and good people I loved it!!!. Sadly I came home after a week of being away and struggled to adjust back into the real world. From these two trips, I gave myself goals to travel to at least 32 states and 15 countries before I’m 30.

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Heart Chakra, Root Chakra

NOLA

As my co-worker would say “Fatima you’ve been living your best life this month”. October has been filled with new excitement.

First trip: New Orleans.

I have traveled up and down the east coast, but going to Louisiana was definitely a huge move for me! Lets start with the plane tickets…Okay I haven’t been on a plane since I was like 9yrs -old, so yes I was extremely terrified. I didn’t know where to began with buying plane ticket especially trying to find some while on a budget. Cheapest airline I found going there was Spirit Airline and American, two one-way tickets by the way Total was: 215, which was a great prices for a last minute trip. Now the taking off and landing part are theee worst!! It makes me feel nauseous. But when that plane landed, my heart started racing, filled with happiness I was so ready to explore the city!

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Sadly after taking this picture i wanted to sleep and that pretty much what I did the first night, New Orleans is an hour or two head of Virginia so it was past my usual bedtime. Where we stayed was in the art district, which was walking distance from the beautiful french quarter that makes downtown New Orleans very popular! First real day there (second day) we went on a boat ride, sadly I didn’t take any pictures! But before we got to the french quarter we caught a trolley.

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Coolest shit ever I swear! i tried my hardest not to appear as a tourist lol! After the first ride everywhere I went I got on one…Uber didn’t even exist to me and the people were so willing to help guide us around. I mean riding through the city was truly a melting pot for me. The diversity and culture presented was mild blowing. The European architectural style all over made me feel like I was in a different side of the world.

Above photos are pictures from the treme neighborhood, or course we attended the treme festival. I use to watch the treme series of new orleans on HBO, but to be actually there and learn the history was a wonderful experience. I learned that the Treme neighborhood was one of the oldest African-american and free of color people neighborhoods. This community has the Congo square and famous Louis Armstrong park.

Any one who knows me knows I’m a sucker for vendors, native food and cultural music. While attempting to get some food, they had kids performs “moko jumbie stilt dancing”. The kids danced to African drums in colorful costumes.

I was overjoyed!! I felt connected..Once the festival was over the streets were filled with people, Jazz music and art. There was a parade in the mist of exploring a different part of the city. They started the parade with the New Orleans own Zulu people. I was eager to get a picture, I’m a sucker for culture.

The street flooded with art, local high school bands playing and jazz music.

Art was being done and hung up to dry as we walked through the festivities! This was the best city I’ve traveled to thus far. I loved everything about this place from the beautiful accents, street jazz music, 24 hour bars, being able to walk/drink in public, and of course the food the creole dishes were the best!

Definitely planning for Mardi Gras 2019!!

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