Heart Chakra, Solar Chakra

Past 5 months…

I really must get better with blogging! Every day I blog in my head, but never really find the time to sit down and blog. . I always end up doing paperwork, but that’s beside the point of this blog.
Today I want to talk about the past 5-month journey I’ve endured. Sometime in October I found out I was expecting my very own jelly bean. I had a lot of mixed emotions, my idea of how I wanted to live my life, well…. “Kids” just want quite in the picture. Everyone around me was filled with excitement except for me. The thought of having a carry a kid absolutely scared me, but the idea of aborting one just was never an option either. Throughout this journey I became depressed. Frequent crying spells, isolating myself, lack of concentration, feeling hopeless, sleeping awfully a lot, and bad anxiety. I never thought in a million years something that should be full of excitement and beautiful can make a person feel so down. I knew I wasn’t going to be successful in my graduate program, so I withdrew from courses.
I found myself reflecting a lot on how working in the mental health field, you educate you clients on their mental health diagnosis as well as teaching them ways to cope. Then you wonder why everyday your clients struggle to manage and cope with their symptoms. I couldn’t cope or manage because I wasn’t ready too, I was in denial, I didn’t take my mental state serious. It’s so much easier to be miserable than to put forth effort to be happy or to enjoy life. My doctor didn’t want to prescribe me medication because she knew that I would over these symptoms/feelings… and I did! I had to start using the material I teach my clients. I had to accept that I’m pregnant. I asked myself several times, “when’s the right time to have a baby, has anyone ever been prepared?” I had to write down the pros and cons of my situation and I realized that the pros outweighed the cons. I began to pay attention to my body! Hearing the baby’s heartbeat, feeling those little kicks, staring ultrasound pictures… The process grew on me, I started to smile more, I began to exercise often, and meditate.
I can now say I’m absolutely excited to meet my little jelly bean when the time comes! I no longer feel down about my decision or carrying this child. My ideal of how I want to live my life has the same goals, but now includes being a great mother and loving this baby unconditionally!

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Crown Chakra, Heart Chakra, Root Chakra, Sacral Chakra, Solar Chakra, Third Eye Chakra, Throat Chakra

Reflection of 2017

Going into and maintaining throughout the year of 2017 has been the toughest task of my life.  “Dont expect others to value you as much as you value yourself” -Moore. 2017 started off with a break/separation that was long over due from one person I expected to cherish me the most. December 16, 2016 I moved out of a home I shared with my “other half” into my own space. Living alone on my own for the first time in life was pretty depressing starting off. I struggled with having steady income, being behind in school and failing courses in graduate school. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and I was completely unhappy with life. One day I began to write in my box and the first thing I wrote to myself was ” Self-love and Self-care, learn it”. From that moment I no longer wanted to dwell on what was and I decided to stop stressing over little things.

“Growth is a must. Starve your distractions  and feed  your focus” – Eball. It was time to focus and find things that made me happy and learn to be independent without depending/needing the presence of others.  So I did that! I recorded my progress in my box. I decided to delete all social media for a year, take a break from school and just go on this self exploration journey! Mission accomplished…. 2017 I renewed my passport and traveled to two places out the country I’ve never been and one recurring place. I traveled to over 20 new states this year.

“The more we learn, the more we learn, the more we have to learn” K. Anderson. As the year progressed I’ve learned more and more about myself. I’ve learned how to be humble (hardest task ever)  I’ve learned happiness, I’ve learned how to meditate properly and become more grounded, I’ve learned inner peace, I’ve learned that I wear my emotions on my sleeve and talking to someone always helps. I’ve learned not to take things serious, I am no longer AS agressive as I use to be, I’ve learned that I gain satisfaction by seeing other happy. I’ve learned to give advice, I’ve learned to be more productive with my job, I’ve learned coping skills from work that I was able to utilize for myself.

Lastly I learned “true love = trust = health = promise = faith = unity = peace = mind = strength = forgiveness = life = you”-Amal. Best part about my struggle was having the support from work and my friends. Always surround yourself with positive beings! Any obstacle is nothing more but a life lesson. A year full of chaos was nothing more than a beautiful struggle I endured on my own.

Everyone knows that I grew as the only child and spoiled. But my mom cut the cord once I graduated from undergraduate school. I accomplished so much on my own this year (even though I graduated two years ago). I am ending 2017 with positivity and a smile. OOOOHHHH I also learned that I am expecting and I looking forward to meeting my little one when that time comes. In 2018 my goal is to be a more balanced individual and an awesome mom!!!

 

“Remember to love selflessly not selfishly”

12/31/2017

p.s All quotes came from my box of 2017 from co-workers and family members! thank you guys again.

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