Crown Chakra, Solar Chakra

Loc’Versary

I’m a little late on some post I’ve been extremely busy and I have zero time management skills.

As of July 13, 2017, marks three years of my Loc journey. These three years has been tough, but it taught me how to love myself unconditionally. When I started my locs I was excited to have them, until no one around me ever had anything nice to say about them. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and I constantly questioned if I made a mistake. The thought of cutting my hair off and starting over just wasn’t an option for me anymore. As the process progressed I started to hate how I looked and I felt completely hideous…. Every day I received unacceptable comments from my friends, family and even my work place. It’s like when you meet someone new the first thing they look at was my hair I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. A year passed, then they began to grow on me, I had my days where I would stare at myself in the mirror for hours practicing positive statements (e.g “Fatima you are a beautiful black queen”). At one point, I was wearing make-up excessively to make up for my insecurities and everyone who knows me know I’m not a huge fan of make-up. Second year came around and I started not to care about what others thought, my dad had Locs my entire life and as a Rastamon he never tried to fit into society means. Growing up in mix cultural family no matter where in the world whether in Jamaica or here in American having locs were never accepted, they are considered dreadful, dirty and whatever else people came up with. He told me I had to start loving myself in order to feel real beauty. My dad and I aren’t really so his advice meant a lot to me, yet he was the only one who ever made me feel good about my journey. My locs started to grow longer every couple of months and after a while the compliments started, at this point I didn’t care if anyone had something mean or nice to say about my hair. I am completely in love with my Locs and how I look with them. There’s nothing dreadful about my locs and I am quick to comment when people refer to my hair as “dreadlocks”
I am my hair and pretty girls do Loc!

 

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Solar Chakra

Stop impressing…

Lately. . . .

After reflecting on my day and reading this quote, I realized that when I interact with certain individuals in particular settings I attempt to impress them. 

Now I’m questioning why do I do that? Why don’t I realize it at that given moment? Was I attention seeking ? Was this apart of my insecurities? 

Why am I attempting to impress? 

Trying to impress others does nothing but hurt the individual trying to hard. I’m realizing that I don’t surround myself around individuals who think highly of me, so I try to change people perception of me. I tend to feel like I don’t fit in or I can’t be myself around others. Sadly when I’m around people you might think I should be comfortable around I feel the same. I feel like I’m not loved, unappreciated, unnoticed, etc…

How I would address the issue moving forward

My actions stem from a lack of confidence and an abundance of insecurities. I have to try focusing on how to build up my self-confidence, becoming more open minded, accepting things for what they are, and increasing self-awareness. 

For those who can relate keep in mind that you are perfect no matter what emotions you’re feeling. No need to impress when you’re already impressive! 

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